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Health & Fitness

Life's a Beach!

It’s the start of another July and the beginning of a loooooong holiday week. In fact, for a lot of people it’s already begun.  

The other day, I took my first trip of the year out to Jones Beach…finally

I love the beach. I always have. I couldn’t live anyplace where I couldn’t get to a beach when needed.  

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And I need it a lot!  

And by “the beach” I mean more than just a stretch of sand. I mean the whole package: the combination of sand, sun and water, even the smell…be it the ocean or the sound…and I guess even a lake of some sort...but only as a last resort.  

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I include lake in this treatise, only to placate those landlocked folks in remote places such as Greenburgh, who are not fortunate enough to experience the subtle scent of sea air as they rise from their beds each day, or the soft spray of seawater on their face as they sit on their back porch enjoying their morning cheerios.  

Of course, sometimes I mistake the splatter from my neighbor’s shower, which is about 3 feet above my deck, for actual sea spray—you know, the suburbs—but the effect is mostly as pleasant, except on Thursdays, when he loofahs. 

But I digress…. 

I often make my trek to the beach alone, which has its upside. I can just veg out and do whatever I want: read, listen to my iPod, sleep…whatever.  

Of course I’m not always alone. On the weekends Z will join me—she has to—but she’s usually not speaking to me, so the effect is the same.  

The trick for a successful beach trip is to find a nice open area, close to the water, where nobody’s going to bother you. When I see a spot I like I usually mutter a lot as I find that other folks will steer clear of that. 

I don’t usually use sunscreen—oh, sit down—and when I do it’s not more than a .02 SPF.

But don’t worry, I’m a perfect mix of Irish and Italian so I don’t burn, and I like rare roast beef. 

And yes, I have been checked out by a dermatologist, about 10 years ago, but I couldn’t get the horrifying image of his humongous eyes under those giant magnifying glasses out of my head, so I haven’t been back.  

Once I settle into my tranquil little spot, the day unfolds like a perfect symphony of summer. I lay out my very big beach blanket, unpack my duffle, then organize my various snacks into groups based on time of day and situational snacking—before swim snacks, after swim snacks, literary snacks, music snacks, etc. etc.  

Then, and only then, I might venture out into the water, where I bob and dob, jumping over and under a processions of gently rolling waves.  

Until, suddenly, I look out past the breakers and see the unmistakable sight of the “BIG ONE” gathering steam, sucking the water out from the shore, building strength, size and power as it silently approaches.  

Other people slowly start to notice it too and what starts as just a murmur turns into cries of panic as previously happy bathers begin to shout, “Turn around! Look out…its coming! Go under! Go over! 

Everywhere I look swimmers submerge into the growing wall, or disappear head over heels as its mass keeps on growing…keeps on advancing, until it’s right on top of me.  

I freeze, do nothing…it’s too late…and now this mountain of water owns me. 

Suddenly, the theme from Jaws plays in my head…but no…it’s not Jaws at all, which would be totally cool, but instead it’s the “Little Rabbit Foo Foo” that Z was singing during our walk last night, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head ever since. 

Im going to die listening to “Little Rabbit Foo Foo!, is all I can think as the mountain of water crashes down on my head.  

My legs are instantly pulled out from below. I'm flipped over like the soggy wet toy that I’ve become. Sand scrapes across my face. My bathing suit starts to slip to my knees. My shoulder crashes into a crab…until finally, mercifully, the water relents, and begins to recede. 

I look up, sprawled in the mud and after wash of foam. I clear the sand from my stinging eyes and see nothing but a mass of human detritus slowly regaining their equilibrium. 

Then...we all jump up and run straight back in, shouting, “Let’s do it again!” 

Which is why… Life’s a Beach…. 

 

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