In a Virtual World - There Are 'Teachable Moments'

There is a pervasive hope that recent events in Greenwich and other nearby towns will heighten the awareness for online users to socialize virtually with more respect for one another than in the past.

While the intention may start off to e-mail or text message just one recipient, with the power of the forward button, a private message becomes quite public instanteously. And once it is sent, there is no “prescription” to cure the viral nature of sharing the message. What in the past would be sharing of rumors or innuendoes about a person among a few friends suddenly becomes a list distributed for hundreds or thousands to see and pass on.

Maryann Murray, asocial worker and learning facilitator, looks at this as a “teachable moment” and advised that when parents give kids “adult toys” such as cell phones and Blackberries, that along with usage instructions, parents should be certain to communicate “expectations of use” as well as “consequences of misuse.” Communication about communications seems to be key here. Murray also said, “This stuff has to be an important part of dinner conversations. Parents might think about setting limits and expectations and consequences.” 

Because technology is ever expanding and something that students sometimes know more about than their parents, “We are in unchartered waters on a daily basis raising our children,” said Murray. But as parents, "we also must know what our kids are doing on their phones and computers. Instant responses are rarely considered responses.” However, good parenting is good parenting with or without technology. “Of course, we start out with core values and high levels of expectation for our kids and sage advice to be considered when picking friends,” Murray also said.

There has been much public discussion on children's use of social media and its implications since a lists identifying female high school students as promiscuous hit the Internet about three weeks ago. It started in Westchester County and quickly spread to Greenwich where several public high school students were included on the list. Since then, more so-called "smut lists" have emerged in Stamford and Norwalk, and a Westport teen has made national headlines with her posting of a YouTube video decrying the abuse she has suffered at the hands of her peers.

It also is evident we need to impart in our children the importance of privacy, for it seems that some children don’t understand the benefits of keeping their private lives private. To use this teachable moment Murray advised asking your children “How would you feel?” if this happened to you. And how does a parent console a child that has been victimized?  “Will a hug do it? I doubt it …, ” Murray said. The psychological and emotional damage that can be done has become magnified as the distribution power of the Internet expands the reach of messages.

Murray went on to point out that each student has a guidance counselor. Students should be encouraged to seek out the support systems available to them at school through their counselors, and the school's psychologists and social workers.  These professionals are not only critical components of the school system, they are some of the unsung heroes who support our children in nurturing and advisory manners, coordinating and managing academic and social/emotional interventions. 

The district has had a long history of valuing mental health services and it is far more desirable to prevent crisis at every level, rather than react to the crisis. What we cannot "see" through the support provided is what has been prevented. It is an unfortunate fact that our children are facing ever increasing psychological and emotional issues as a result of the changing nature of our society such as changes in family dynamics, new forms of bullying such as cyber-bullying, pressures presented through social media and even drug usage at a younger age.

So, will response, outrage and concern raised over The “Smut” List change the way the kids use Facebook, text messaging or other social media platforms? GHS Senior Class President Dan Silkman said that his peers will “hopefully think twice before they post something hurtful on Facebook or send someone a nasty text message.”

In response to what happened recently, Murray wondered, “Is this an opportunity for teens to come together to discover how and what they can do as reasonable social media users?” One certainly hopes so.

As Silkman said, while “Cyber-bullying is a scary reality,” the recent events may in fact “just make kids more aware, and more cautious, of the consequences of cyber-bullying.”