Two Zombies Walk into a Mall

If you thought just being "asked" to buy A Zombie Valentine was bad...

Illustration by David Sullivan picture-book.com
Illustration by David Sullivan picture-book.com

Two Zombies walk into a mall.

The first Zombie says to the second Zombie…    Arrrghumneeift

To which the second Zombie, replies… “Mnmphruton!”

Which causes the first Zombie to spin in a circle and walk into a LensCrafter's where he hands his eyes over to the receptionist, who screams, which causes the second Zombie to convulse with something that might or might not resemble laughter.

 Yeah…so if you can picture that, then you can pretty much figure out how the rest of my day went.

Unbeknownst to me, as I was driving the Zombie across the street to the mall, to go pick out a Valentine for his Mrs., he texted his Zombie friend, who works in the area, to meet us over by the Cinnabon.

Just what I needed…two Zombies…shopping with me at the mall.

Who knew Zombies could text…I mean, have you seen their thumbs…attached or no… have you seen their thumbs?

First thing—and this isn’t unusual—the mall cop pulls up on his little electric scooter thingie.

“Sir, are these Zombies with you?”

“Uhm…yes, well I mean one of them is with me, the other one just showed up.”

“That’s not unusual,” the mall cop says. “First there’s one Zombie, then two, then three…before you know it you’ve got a Zombie apocalypse on your hands.”

“Well, were just gonna run into a couple of stores to pick up a quick Valentine gift for…uhm, for one of their wives”

“Zombies have wives?”

“Sure….sometimes two or three, if that what it takes to put a whole one together.”

The mall cop just shook his head.  “Brrrrrrrrr…Zombies just give me the creeps.”

“That’s not uncommon…at least until you get to know them.”

“Hey, you…get off of that vehicle!”

The second Zombie had jumped on the Mall Cop’s little scooter thingie and was pretending to be popping wheelies.

Not wanting to cause a scene, I grabbed my Zombie from across the street, who was thoroughly enjoying the show, and trudged off down the concourse, with a side stop at Spencer’s Gifts, because no Zombie can walk by a Spencer’s without going inside to check out the black light display.

Then, by the time we’re ready to slip out of there, the second Zombie rejoins us and starts staring wistfully into one of the lava lamps.  It seems it reminded him of something; I wasn’t sure what…and to be honest I really didn’t want to know.

We would have been there the rest of the day if I didn’t do something to move things along...

For the rest of the story, or to just kill a couple of more minutes while you're waiting to see your doctor, please Click Here....

For more of “The Freelance Retort” visit freelanceretort.blogspot.com/

Follow on Twitter @FreelanceRetort

Like” The Freelance Retort on Facebook

Google+ - The Freelance Retort

Retort to the Retort - FreelanceRetort@gmail.com

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.


More »
Got a question? Something on your mind? Talk to your community, directly.
Note Article
Just a short thought to get the word out quickly about anything in your neighborhood.
Share something with your neighbors.What's on your mind?What's on your mind?Make an announcement, speak your mind, or sell somethingPost something