Parents Weigh In: Difficulty of Monitoring Social Media Sites, "Smut List" Problem

A student goes to school one morning, and even before he or she steps into the Student Center, he is painfully aware that because of a posting on a social networking site, the day will not be an easy one.

Through websites such as Facebook, Greenwich parents and children alike now congregate and communicate virtually. While there are many positives aspects of this new socialization, recent events show that there are drawbacks and even unintended consequences.

The problems emerged last week with revelations that town high school girls' first and last names were included in a Facebook page The “wall” on such page has become the cyberspace equivalent of the bathroom stall, one Greenwich Patch commenter noted last week.

And suddenly a decision to “post” becomes viral graffiti spreading from wall to wall and from cellphone to cellphone. Where is the sense of responsibility and accountability in this virtual world? Beyond hurt feelings, what if someone harms herself as a result of a posting? Does social media create a sense of social detachment to others through lack of empathy?

Greenwich parents, administrators and the authorities are , but some are concerned that perhaps not all students are. While many were upset, The Report Card learned, others viewed it as groundless gossip or simply using new technology to exercise one’s freedom of speech. Some students who are just ignoring it or laughing it off even wondering why they weren’t on the list or if they were, why weren’t “higher.”

What is a parent's role?

Adriana Ospina, a mother of five and past president of the Greenwich High School PTA, said that she heard that some of the girls were joking and saying things like "I should have been number 1 and not number 4.” Concerned, Ospina specifically asked about the girls who were on the list, she was told “that some were upset" but that their friends supporting the girls advising them to ignore. Sooner rather than later, something else will take top billing and people will stop talking about it.

But even for those not on the list, it has some thinking. 

Ospina said: “One of the girls I talked to did say that if her name had been on the list, she would not be able to go back to school.” 

Even more disheartening is that Ospina said that one of the boys didn’t believe the list to be "new" bad news “since most of the girls whose names were on it, were 'smuts' anyway and that everybody knew it.”

So what can parents do to help their children use social media networking in a civil and social way? And help their children deal with communication which allows for cruelty without orginators taking responsibility?

Julie Faryniarz, mother of three Greenwich teenagers, said that her first reaction to the List was that it was simply a very unkind act, but her second reaction was to check her childrens’ phones and computers. 

“I looked at my kids' phones and Facebook accounts and made sure that there were no postings or texts related to the the List.” 

Julie's daughter Katie, a freshman at GHS, said that the list "has definitely affected a lot of girls at my school."

With the latest viewing of the Race to Nowhere last week at GHS, parents, students and the School community are talking more about the stresses our students are facing.  Certainly the landscape of social stresses of being a teenage is quite different now that the cyberworld is a very real part of our society. Writing on a bathroom wall suddenly seems to pale in comparison to writing on a virtual wall.